It's a little after 1:00 in the morning and I'm sitting outside by the fire at my parent's house on the lake. I'm here because my mom is having a ladies retreat this weekend. Tonight was really good and I've been very blessed by being here. It feels good. I was so worn out that I almost didn't come, but I'm so glad I did.

After everyone went to bed I felt drawn out here to sit and pray and think, and later on went in to get my computer to sit and write out my thoughts.

This is a very different time in my life. It's exciting, scary, emotional, tiring...all sorts of things...but one thing I keep hearing over and over is "Do you have faith in me even in the tough things...are you going to trust me?" And I respond, "yes, Lord!" I truly do trust him - I just wonder what it is all going to look like! In 6 months what is my life going to look like? What's it going to be like for our children that we are leaving behind in college? We are so close and I just can't imagine not having them close by! Lord, this is going to be tough. I know it! But, I TRUST YOU.

Over and over again I think about these things.

Tonight we talked about laying down idols; anything that could take the place of God in our lives. I don't want anything to do that. I want to be in the center of God's will and following His plans for my life. I want to trust him and allow him to be in control of my life. More than anything I want God to be number one...to hold that special place in my heart, and to love Him like nothing else. Sometimes that's hard!

It's hard when I feel like I might be abandoning my kids...
It's hard when I don't know what it's going to look like...
It's hard when I feel scared...
It's hard when I feel sad that I am moving so far away...

BUT...

I love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength! He is my God, my King, my Savior, my everything, and, even though I don't know where this path is going to take us and what the future holds. I am going to trust Him and not make any idols for myself...not my husband or kids or anything. I want the Lord to have first place in my life and I will let Him lead.