Saturday, January 13, 2007

I pray this year, for my own life, will be one of growth. I spent a lot of time today with the Lord, asking Him to show me areas in which I need to grow. As I sat still before the Lord and thought about what I wanted for my own life, and asked Him what He desired for my life, one thing stood out in my mind; would I fail to keep my commitments?

It's never easy to share our faults, or the areas in which we know we need to grow, but I'm drawn to share a commitment I've made to the Lord and the fears that come with it, for the glory of God.

We all have areas we need to work on in our lives, but I find myself asking this question: Why do we fear sharing our commitments, and the struggles we face keeping them, with others? God knows us better than anyone else. He knows our struggles and failures and, yet, He still loves us.

Natalie Grant has a song - The Real Me - and as I listen to the words of that song I think, "does anybody see the real me?". God does, I know, but I don't want to hide behind anything, so I'm laying down my pride to share this with whoever God desires to read this and use it for His glory.

One of my most important commitments I've made this year is to spend 30 minutes with the Lord every single day. (Yep! I'm a preacher's wife, a youth and music minister, and I've never been faithful on a DAILY basis to make time for the one who gave His life for me!) It's a huge commitment, I know, but I know God is calling me to climb higher and go deeper in my walk with Him. I can think of numerous times when I felt the Lord calling me to get alone with him, and I'm ashamed to say it, but sometimes I pretty much just said, "Not right now, God." The very one who loves me more than anyone, and desires the best for my life, has heard the words, "I don't have time for you" come from my heart.

I don't ever want to be someone who lives behind a mask. I mess up...sometimes really, really bad, but I want people to know the real me. Why? So that they feel comfortable enough to be real with me, and so that those who are struggling in their own lives know that others out there struggle, too. Sure, we as Christians are called to live holy lives, and that truly is my heart's desire, but there are times I'm disobedient, and stubborn, and just plain lazy, and I don't want to break my commitments, but I do. I WANT THIS YEAR, AND THE REST OF MY LIFE, TO BE DIFFERENT!!


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